In Girrant, Pretentious, Sunglasses on September 27, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Sunglasses are not as cool as you think they may be, when worn as an aesthetic accessory. So many times I’ve encountered situations in which I’m left hopeless and clueless as to what to do because of the sunglass’d other. Among the many reasons I dislike sunglasses, here are a few:

1) Unreturned Waves
If I only recently got to know you and see you from a distance, I’d naturally wave at you because I like you. But do you realize how ego-shattering, how face-reddening, how “is s/he ignoring me!?” it is when you don’t wave back? And this is all thanks to the sunglasses you’re wearing; how am I supposed to tell whether you’re looking at me or not? And what if I take it hurtfully, decide not to wave at you again (under the assumption that you’ve intentionally ignored me) and then YOU take it offensively that I ignore you? It creates this whole chain of confusion and misunderstandings that really aren’t necessary.
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2) Misleading Attractiveness
Let’s say I just recently got to know a person with gigantic sunglasses on. We hit it on, we’re getting along pretty well, and I’m like “Damn, not only is this person hot, but s/he likes me!” You trade numbers and decide to meet up later that night. You’re now waiting for your date, and you look and look but you can’t spot that date because BAM comes in the cross-eyed foreheadless person with no sunglasses. I know, I know — it’s what’s on the inside that counts. I don’t like being led on to believe that one is prettier than they actually are, though.

3) You’re Not That Badass, Son
Sunglasses are like masks; you can’t see the eyes of the person in front of you, which takes away so much signals which should be received by the other unmasked party. That being said, it is simple to conclude that when one wears sunglasses, it takes away a part of who they are, making them look like everyone around them (with the exception of whether or not you’re smiling). Why pretend to be someone you’re not when you can simply take off those sunglasses and show the world who you really are? And I totally mean that in the uncheesiest way possible.


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